Ugh. Legal crap.
The boilerplate.
The legalese.
The fine freakin’ print.

I hate it.
You hate it.
Even the lawyers hate it. They just get paid more to pretend they don’t.

But hey... I gotta protect my Shlinker users.
So I’m gonna spare you a 47-paragraph snoozefest written in Supreme Court hieroglyphics,
and just tell you what you actually need to know.

Let’s roll:

⸻

🧠 1. Use Your Brain (aka the Shlink Common Sense Clause)

If you use Shlink, you agree not to do dumb, illegal, shady, or clout-chasing stuff with it.
You can share sources.
You can roast bad info.
You can be funny, even spicy.
But if you’re out here spreading hate, scams, or fake news wrapped in Comic Sans — get wrecked, you’re not welcome here.

⸻

🕵️ 2. No Creepy Tracking

We don’t track your clicks.
We don’t harvest your data.
We’re not out here selling your email to some sketchy ad farm in Delaware.
Because guess what?
I’m a puppet. Not a Silicon Valley vampire.

So rest easy.
No cookies are spying on you here.
(Unless you’re eating cookies while reading this. In that case, carry on. And we hope they're chocolate chip.)

⸻

📉 3. No Ads. No Algorithms. No Clout-Chasing.

Shlink isn’t here to game the system or boost your ego.
We reward truth, not screaming.
This ain’t a popularity contest.
It’s just a service built for people who still care about facts — you rare majestic creatures, you.

⸻

🎯 4. Shortlinks ≠ Endorsement

If someone makes a Shlink to a source, that doesn’t mean I, Shlink the puppet, agree with it.
That just means it’s a source — for you to decide if it holds up.
I don’t vouch for every article, video, or 3-hour podcast linked through here.
Use your brain. Check the receipts. Don’t be a sheep.

⸻

🤝 5. Respect the People (Yes, Even the Cringe Ones)

We believe in treating everyone like they’re you —
even if they’re loud, wrong, or rocking a forehead vein in their profile pic.
So don’t use Shlink to harass people, dox folks, or stir up chaos just to feel something.
Be bold. Not a bully.

⸻

🔒 6. We Keep It Tight (Privacy, That Is)

We don’t store more than we have to.
We don’t build creepy dossiers.
We don’t read your links in bed.

Unless the government busts down the door with a legit court order (yikes),
your info stays in the void where it belongs.

⸻

🧼 7. We’re Clean, But Not Perfect

Sometimes tech breaks.
Sometimes links get glitchy.
Sometimes someone tries to use a Shlink to spread BS, and we gotta zap it with the banhammer.
We’ll do our best to keep things smooth and smart —
but don’t sue me if a link goes sideways.
I’m furry, not infallible.

⸻

📜 8. This Page Might Change (Because Life Is Chaos)

This Legal Crap page might get updated as the world melts further and the lawyers demand more words.
If we change anything big, we’ll let you know.
If we change a comma? Chill.

⸻

🧢 Final Word (Before I Vomit Legalese)

I built this for the truthseekers.
For the BS-busters.
For the meme-lords who still believe in receipts.

There’s no catch. No scams. No crypto rug-pulls.
Just shortlinks with a spine.

MAKE SOURCES GREAT AGAIN!™
And thanks for letting me cover my furry ass.

Hey 👋

I'm Shlink. My friends call me Shlink. My users are Shlinkers.

As you might of guessed, I’m a puppet.
And yeah, I’ve got a handler.
LITERALLY a hand up my furry rear end.
But don’t get it twisted. I do have a mind of my own.

My handler? Like my inner voice...
Tired, grumpy, way-too-online who finally snapped after watching one too many posts from that influencer with 14 emojis and zero sources.

The crapstorm started in 2020.
I mean, sure, the lies were always there.
But 2020 hit different.
Fake news, rage bait, shady screenshots, "experts" with usernames like @truth_warrior69420…
It was like the internet dropped acid and never came back.

I mean c’mon, if you wrote 2020 as a movie, studios would say it's “too unrealistic.”
And now? We’re just vibing in the sequel.
“2020: Electric Boogaloo.”
Except instead of dancing, we’re arguing over JPEGs.

So boom, enter Shlink. That’s me.
Born from frustration. Raised on sarcasm.
Fueled by memes and mild rage.

I’m not here to “fact-check” like some bootlickin’ algorithm nerd.
I’m here to fuel an INFO rebellion, to shine a spotlight on B.S.
To bully bunk claims back into the void.
To look you in the eyes (kinda) and say:
“Yo, if you can’t drop a source, why bother!?.”

Because I don’t care who you are, left, right, center, upside down... If you post B.S. with no Shlink, I’m gonna roast you like a gas station hot dog.
What’s my mission?
Simple.

👉 MAKE SOURCES GREAT AGAIN!™
Because if you care about truth, you prove it.
If you want respect, you Shlink it.
If you’re out here yelling with nothing to back it up,
go touch grass.

But more than that?

Treat everyone like they’re you!
Not just your friends. Not just the people who look like you or vote like you.
Everyone.
Because, newsflash! We’re all the same meatbags with different seasoning and more or less food coloring (and fur).

Oh, and back to this being an About Page or whatever...
• Yes, Shlink is real.
(Okay, real enough! I’ve got a voice, a soul, and I'm bent on shaking up the cap flowing through our timelines)
• Imagine what could be if B.S. busting Shlinks were the norm!
• Yep, right now I'm offering a shortlink service.
But like, with a spine. Built different, with heart, and big dreams.
You want to share info online? Cool.
Bring your receipt (your source!). And Shlink it! Make it short, snappy, and spicy.
• Yeah, use me! Shlink your sources.
Because that’s what smart people do.
(And also what non-cringe people do. Just saying.)

So yeah. That’s the tea, boomers.
That’s the lore, Zoomers.
That’s the About, lurkers.

I’m Shlink.
I call out B.S.
I boost truth.
And I’ll never shut up about it.

MAKE SOURCES GREAT AGAIN!™
Or don’t. But then don’t cry when I show up in your comments like:
“Oh look, another blurry screenshot with no receipts.”